Many Happy Returns

So today is my birthday and A and I are staying at my Mum and Dad’s for the Bank Holiday weekend. In the best tradition of birthday trips, we went out to the Zoological Museum at Tring. It was always a favourite of mine as a child and I haven’t dragged A here before.

Nothing’s changed really – the polar bear still dominates the view as you walk into the first gallery, the quagga’s still a bit moth-eaten, the seals have some terrible taxidermy scars, one of the leopards still has a slightly startled expression. But best of all, the fleas are still there!


These fleas are genuine fleas from cats or dogs, dating from about 1905 I think. Mexican women used to dress them in traditional costume. You have to look at them through a magnifying glass and I remember as a child really not believing they were fleas – after all, the fleas I’d encountered from our dog all had six legs and no sartorial elegance at all!

Re: pigs

Hmmm...

On reflection, it seems I may know more about pigs than is seemly for someone that doesn't actually breed them...

And for those who are interested, most pigs we see around are probably these:

The Large White. Not pink at all...

Why are pigs pink?

Today was an INSET day at school, and it was really interesting. A whole section was on developing thinking skills particularly through using philosophy with young children which fascinates me. At one point we had to classify some questions according to whether they were factual (How was water made?) or more philosophical ones (Why do humans rule the earth?)

Now, me being me, I got a bit hung up on the pig question above. I am from farming stock, so think of myself as a bit of an expert (as only a second generation townie can really) although I'm not aware that anyone has farmed pigs commercially in my family for years. But that's as maybe ...

While the others were flagging this question as factual, I got a bit hot under the collar. After all, a Tamworth (L) isn't pink and neither is a Berkshire.


I'm sure you'll be stunned to find out that a Large Black isn't pink. Saddlebacks aren't either, although they do have a lighter bit on their shoulders.


And if you're going that far, then neither is an Oxford Sandy and Black or a lovely New Zealand pig called a Kune Kune.

So are we stereotyping pigs? You only ever see pink pigs in storybooks. Where are other colours of pig represented? Rights for pigs, that's what I say!!

I found these pictures on Pig Paradise Farm or Pigs Online if you're sad enough to find out more.

Begging for it

Your money, that is!

In a few short weeks, I'm going to plod my way round the grounds of Arley Hall to complete my third Race for Life. 5k may not be the London Marathon, but since I haven't really trained since last year, it could well feel like it. My total is modest, so if you can, please sponser me here.

What a day!

Charles Clarke has "lost" some potential deportees, John Prescott's admitted to an affair *shudder*, Patricia Hewitt gets heckled by nurses.

If I were Tony Blair, I'd be tempted to just let Gordon get on with it...let him sort the blaggards out...

Cold Turkey

"I'm going to have a detox" A proudly announced on Sunday night. "No coffee, no tea, no beer, no fizzy pop. I'm going to drink only water and smoothies for a week."

Being a dutiful wife, I took the usual amount of notice one takes of these things and presented him with a cup of Kenco's finest at 6.30 yesterday morning. "Be gone, spawn of the devil" he said as he thrust it back at me. Or at least that's what it sounded like. I was still suffering from buzzing in the ears and a lack of sleep after all - a second cup of coffee within 5 minutes helped no end...

In the evening I luxuriated in being able to have some ginger beer - normally it's all gone by Monday, but not this week! Sean Bean and ginger beer - what more could a girl want?

This morning I remembered (well done Nic!) and presented him with a smoothie and a glass of water. See, I do listen to you, darling.

This evening he stomped into the house, muttered about feeling crap, cracked open a bottle of Stella and checked I had bought a new jar of coffee. Apparently his colleagues were begging him to take on board some caffeine before either they or he slashed his wrists in despair.

I'm guessing the detox is now officially over for this year...

Jasper

So, term starts again, and the usual happens. I read through my planning, so I know exactly what I'm teaching. I laminate a few resources (how sad am I that have my own laminator?), while away a pleasant hour and half watching Sean Bean (phwoar!), go to bed yawning and fully rested.

And...

Well, you can guess...

Ten minutes after turning the lights out - PING! Eyes wide open, brain racing like mad. I've forgotten something. I'm sure I have. No, it's no good, I can't lie here...

So midnight finds me downstairs again, flicking through the Sunday supplements, trying to bore myself to sleep reading about the nouveau riche Russians buying their way into Henley Regatta and the other key events in the Hooray social calendar.

The only thing that comforts me is that up and down the country there will be a multitude of teachers all in the same boat (I know because I can name several from my own school...)

Why oh why?

And then, to top it all, after less than 5 hours sleep, I am woken before 6 by a demented wasp trapped between curtain and window.

What the heck does it think it can sting that early in the morning? Even the starlings were muttering at it. (Just think about the birds in Roobarb and Custard to get the idea...)

Excuse me...

I think you are sat in my chair...

I think Lil is definitely letting A know he's in the wrong, don't you?

Satisfaction

...is carefully digging around a dandelion and then tugging to find the whole tap root has come up. Bliss...

Does this mark the official start of middle-age?

What has happened to Morrissey?

Now, I was never into the Smiths when they were together. Much as I'd like to think that the fact I didn't appreciate the ironic lyrics and amazing melodies until 1992 demonstrates my unerring sense of cool - after all, I didn't feel the need to end my life when they ceased recording - I suspect it just indicates a deeper mid-80s fixation with really crap music (Nik Kershaw, anyone?)

Anyway, I was never really into them then, but you would have to have spent the 80s on Mars not to have an image of Morrissey on TOTP with flowers stuffed in the back pocket of his jeans somewhere in the memory banks. But I'm rambling...

Today, I watched the video of You Have Killed Me and was struck by a thought. He always looked about 6ft 4 then - so why now does he only look about 5ft 9? I guess it's the trick of the eye based around the fact that then, he probably weighed 8st dripping wet, and now he's a normal size.

Then I was struck by a second thought.

When did he nick Denis Healy's eyebrows?

Lodgers

So how much does a sparrow weigh then? I only ask because the ones that are nesting in the loft and running up and down the eaves sound like they weigh at least 5 kilos each.

Since our house suffers from the ailment of all post 1990 houses (limited loft boarding, rafters only 4ft high and 3ft apart) I can't even begin to think about how I could encourage them to find a nice home in a tree and leave my loft insulation where it should be. I can definitely see something poking out of the hole in the brickwork where they fly in and out.

Answers on a postcard please...

Decline and Fall

Spotted by me at the local Tesco Express over the weekend:

A young lad (about 10?) posing for the CCTV, waving a smoked Bavarian cheese (the one wrapped in orange plastic like a liver sausage) in a strategic place...

What is the world coming to?

In Memoriam

A beautiful day here, often seems to be on this date. It is 17 years since Hillsborough, nearly half my life ago now. RIP Sarah and the other 95.

Home

Tired. Bed. Cat. Purr. Sleep. Bliss.

Musings from JFK

Well, here's a first - I'm blogging in a public place! We're at JFK nice and early (flight leaves in two and a half hours) so I'm making use of the wireless network. This morning I got up early and, anxious not to miss a thing, was in Starbucks by 7am, reading and soaking up the bustle. I finished A Short History of Tractors in Ukrainian by Marina Lewycka whilst I was there. There's some nice touches of satire in it, but an overwhelming poignancy in the family relationships. Not a bad read, though.

Later I fulfilled my last wish for this trip with a huge portion of Eggs Benedict, then we strolled along to the United Nations building for a nose around. You can take guided tours but we didn't, since a number of the rooms these tours take in were closed today.

On our way back, we got a slightly mad taxi driver, who wove from lane to lane as he tried to miss the traffic (fat chance!) I suspect New York Hack would not be impressed by the standard of driving, but I didn't snap a photo of him to post, since we were in an SUV and I felt (reasonably) safe up there.

And so... back to earth tomorrow. Be warned - I am dreadful at finding diversionary tactics - if there is a flurry of blog activity over the next few days, you'll know that the planning for next term is pressing and I'm finding any excuse to not knuckle down to it...

Another Route March

I never intended for this to happen, but we did another route march today (Tuesday) - 42nd Street to 97th through the Upper East Side to the Russian Orthodox Cathedral, then onto the Guggenheim. However, the day was too glorious and I'm too much of a tight wad to pay $18 each when I know I don't want to be in there for more than an hour. Here is Theodore in the lobby, pretending he knows something about art.
I wish I could tell you who the artist was, but I suspect it's on a need to know basis, revealed only once you've paid admission.

We returned to Central Park to bask in the sunshine, then across to the Upper West Side. A quick diversion to Zabar's just for the experience of jostling with their "assertive" customers (their words, not mine; I'd have chosen downright rude for the ones who barged me out of the way!!), then onto the American Museum of Natural History which is an absolute gem. One of my boys is absolutely obsessed with dinosaurs (he has his heart set on being a palaeontologist - not bad for 6, huh?) so I think he might like these photos of Theodore with Triceratops and T-Rex:


It also has some amazing taxidermy exhibits, but A and I had an Eddie Izzard moment when we can across some cases of native North American mammals, such as beaver, bobcat and lynx. Instead of being artfully arranged into lifelike group poses in authentic habitats,as the African and Asian animals have been, these animals appeared to have been stapled to the wall, with their front paws together above their heads and their back paws hanging down below their tails. Did they run out of stuffing or what? Sadly A and I were so convulsed in hysterics by this time that we didn't think to take a photo...

Trashed...

So, aside from Bloomingdales, what else today (Monday)? Central Park to start, glorious especially since today was warm enough to go without a coat (seems like a very long time since that happened). Went to the Central Park Zoo, part of me feels uncomfortable about animals in enclosures, particularly since these are a lot smaller than the enclosures in Chester Zoo, but it's heartening to see how much they try to keep the animals stimulated.

This polar bear was playing with the green toy because it's full of fish and if she shakes it about, she can get them out.

This evening, A grudgingly agreed to spend the best part of 2 hours in a queue for the 86th floor observatory of the Empire State Building. He hated every minute, but Theodore quite liked it. His favourite view was of the Chrysler building.
It was daylight when we started to queue...

After, we went to a brilliant Mexican, but it's been a very long time since I had frozen margaritas, so apologies if there are any mistakes in this post. When I stood up, it appeared someone had stolen my knees. As for Theodore...
...it appears to be a case of "one tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor!"

I suspect that I won't be sharing these photos with the children...

Can cats do paper rounds?

Help.

A and I went to Bloomingdales this afternoon. He hit the Polo Ralph Lauren department, I found the cashmere sweaters...

I can't sing or dance, so busking is out. There's no way round it - Lil will have to get a paper round if she wants any more Whiskas...

Introducing Theodore

Theodore is my class bear and he likes to travel. The children take turns to take him home and so far this year he has attended a number of birthday parties, a weekend in Scotland and a skiing trip to Italy. This holiday, the children have graciously let me take Theodore to NY, so here he is, enjoying his breakfast this morning:

He particularly liked maple syrup on his bacon.

Armed with Theodore, A and I set out early to walk the streets of Manhattan, with a vague aim of Empire State Building and Statue of Liberty - good photo opportunities for Theodore, obviously! Unfortunately, even at 9.40am on a Sunday morning, the queue for the Empire State was outside the building, so A put his foot down. He doesn't do queues. On we went, and reached the Flat Iron building, where Broadway crosses 5th Avenue at 23rd. A market was setting up, so we stopped for a coffee prior to browsing. The view from the window was too good to miss:


I then charmed my way into the hearts of one of New York's finest:


It's amazing how far you can go on a smile and an English accent.

On we trekked, through SoHo, TriBeCa, past Ground Zero and into Battery Park. A's queue phobia hit again, so this is the closest we got to Lady Liberty:


We then strolled through Battery Park, past the Staten Island Ferry terminus and up to South Street Seaport. I can never understand why A is drawn to boats so much - he won't set foot on one (if there had been no queue for the Statue of Liberty ferry, I wonder how he would have coped?) but he loves to look at them in dock. We also went around the Bodies exhibition. It sounds really ghoulish, but some of the exhibits truly show what an amazing and beautiful piece of engineering the human body is. We then walked back to Midtown, through Chinatown, Little Italy, the East Village and Gramercy Park. I've worked out we only walked 8 miles or so, but my Docs let me down and I have a huge blister and my hips don't feel like they belong to me any more. This does not bode well for the Midnight Walk in June!

Travel tips

Well, I've finally arrived in New York, after what seems like an eternity. KLM doesn't seem to have the leg room of other transatlantic flights I've been on, or perhaps it's the fact that since I was travelling on my own, not with A, I had to try to stay in my own seat rather than sprawl over into his space too. Can't do that if you don't know the people on either side of you, really.

Some aspects of today have been a little trying. I have decided that there are certain criteria that everyone should adhere to, to make the travelling process so much nicer. Here are my top tips for ensuring those around you have a pleasant trip.

1. Don't take skis. They clutter up check in and breed resentment. If you live in the UK any further south than Glenshee you have absolutely no need of them and any resort you visit will be able to hire them to you. Unless you want to have them surgically removed at a later date, leave them at home.
2. No family unit should travel with a luggage to person ratio that exceeds 1:1. You're going on holiday for goodness sake, not emigrating. How much stuff do you need?
3. No family should travel with more than 2 children. If a family has more than 2 children, the parents should split the family into 2 smaller groups to ease the passage of all burocracy. On no account should any family travel with 4 boys between the ages of 6 and 11 unless each child has been sedated.
4. For pity's sake, have a wash. Planes get hot and clammy enough as it is. There is nothing worse than having to sit for 8 hours next to someone who had their annual bath at least 3 weeks ago.
5. Don't drink excessively prior to flying for the same reason. If you can't get on a flight without downing a six-pack and 3 double whiskies, you really should consider caravanning instead.

I am valiantly trying to stay awake until 10pm NY time, but that equates to 3am UK time - I got up at 5.30am and only snoozed for an hour or so, so it's probably a losing battle. In fact, delirium may well have set in already. I am here on the 37th floor of the New York Helmsleywith the windows open. It is 9.45pm and I can hear bagpipes outside. No, really.