An Update from the World of Theatre

I think I can understand why so many of those involved in putting on a production are permanently sozzled. Yet again the Infant Nativity is driving me to drink (I can hear Lou sniggering even as I write. You can try and fool yourself you miss this, girl, but in your heart of hearts....)

I have a very hopeless camel (front end) that has forgotten all her cues and just stands there looking gormless instead of hrumphing. I have an innkeeper who won't (can't?) smile (bit tricky as the song goes "The innkeeper's smiling, his wife's full if cheer..."). My Wise Men lack oomph. In fact, they look a little bit of a rag tag lot of Wise Men, with lazy eyes covered in plaster and missing-front-teeth induced lisps (those at least that can belt out their words... one is very quiet). A couple of my boys (note it's only MY boys, not any from the other two classes...) who don't listen at all during the rehearsals so still miss their cues - in fact, I'm not convinced one has even learnt them yet...

Add to this the fact that the Head seems to hate the only song she's heard so far and it all bodes well, doesn't it?

But you haven't heard the best of it yet. I have a little star who fell of the toilet in her friend's house on Wednesday (I haven't plucked yup the courage to ask if she was using it or just playing on it - I mean, how do you fall off the toilet?) and came in on Thursday with it held very gingerly. "There's a big bruise," Mum said, "but she hasn't broken her arm." It transpired that the child couldn't rotate her arm without crying and found the most comfortable position for it was tucked into her cardigan (a la Napoleon) and that Mum hadn't taken her to the doctor, because she could wiggle her fingers and it wasn't swollen. We got Mum to pick her up at lunchtime and... on Friday she came back in after fracture clinic with it in plaster. Now, if she were merely twinkling... but no. My stars do a little dance around the Amazingly Bright Star. Obviously, we can't have her dancing on stage with a plaster cast on, so the only thing we can think of is to swap her with another child who doesn't move much on stage at all.

Yep, you've guessed it, this year the Virgin Mary will be sporting an attractive shocking pink plaster cast....